A request from a sinner

Dear lord, if you are listening, I pray that I can get a better paying job so that I can sponsor the renovation that my mother has always wanted.

Cooking Project - vegetable curry.

I made my very first attempt at cooking vegetable curry.  Seriously, how difficult can this be, right? I went grocery shopping for some ingredients. No recipe to follow...like I said, how difficult can this be...although I did google vegetarian curry for a glance at recipes. So ok, here we go...

First off, I sauteed the curry mix (combined mixture of tumeric paste, bla bla bla), which my mom had conveniently prepared for me in a container. I added other spices ie. curry powder, cinnamon stick and star anise.  I didn't have lemongrass cos I could not find it in the freaking supermarket. Added some water to boil the mixes...then added in the vegetables one by one, namely the okras, green beans, dried tofu, beancurd skin and cabbage. Added in more curry mix as I couldn't get any curry taste out of the pot. So, anyway...the end result...

The verdict?

I think this one should be labelled "cooking disaster".  The vegetables were overcooked, the dish has no curry taste whatsoever although it did taste very spicy and the soup was also a little bitter (god knows why...).  I have a huge pot of this in my fridge and I don't even know if I will ever finish it.

Sigh......need I say more?

Falling off the wagon a little

In a perfect world scenario, I will be staying away from processed food, trans fatty food, sugary cravings, etc etc.  I will be drinking 8 glasses of water a day, consuming at least 1800 cals a day, going organic, bla bla bla.

2 months ago, I embarked on a healthy eating regimen, being mindful of the harmful ingredients in my food.....namely high fructose corn syrup, artificial sweeteners, hydrogenated oil,  white flours, high sodium, monosodium glutamate, nitrate, etc etc.  Grocery shopping took a lot longer these days and scanning the ingredient list of each item is not particularly fun but it is part & parcel of getting to know what is safe to eat and what is not. 

As much as I have learned about healthy eating, practising it is totally different.  I stayed away from white bread but I'm still eating other refined carbs (white rice, white pastas).  It is very difficult to control this especially when eating out. However, I make it a point to eat brown rice/wild rice when at home, wholemeal bread and will be soon be changing to whole grain pastas too. I am very mindful of my sodium, sugar and fat intake.  In fact, a lot of my veggies preparation method initially WAS blanching and with the littlest bit of salt.....until I realise that this tasteless eating is no way to live. I have since returned to stir fry.....with minimum oil and salt, of course or using olive oil.

I have also shed myself clean of fast food, sodas, junk food and processed meat. Not sure how long I can keep this up but for now, it's looking good and I hope it will stay that way.  I don't think I will ever be able to stay from chocolates so I've been eating organic dark chocolates instead.

I did eat steam white bread yesterday when I was out with friends because it was the only item in the menu that was the least unhealthy. Needless to say, I did not enjoy myself and I don't think I will be returning to that cafe anytime soon.  AND....my willpower crashed a little when I reached for the Kit Kat chocs while I was out grocery shopping last week.  It was supposed to last me for a week but I finished the whole packet within a couple of days. Not the end of the world, of course, but it seems like what I had started out to do is slowly getting harder and harder to maintain. 

Bear in mind though, that it is not the calories that I worry about.  It is the ingredients in the food that I am mindful of.  In a perfect world scenario, if all food are made of healthy ingredients, I will be eating like there is no tomorrow.

How's this for feeling lost?

Back in Dec 2009, there were glimpses of hope & optimism, amidst a sea of worries.

January 2010 seems to be gloomy with insurmountable pressures & stress, amidst an ocean of uncertainties & frustrations.

How's this for absurdity?

• Spending 4x the allocated budget for office renovation.
• Approving bringing an entourage of customers to neighbouring country to play golf. (no golf course in our own country? Our golf course not good enough?)
• Approving of overseas "incentive" trip before project payment is received nor project even completed yet.
• Stealing Taking company advance worth thousands of dollars without repaying.
• Stealing Using company cash to give as sponsored gift and undertable $ to so-called potential customers (or does it end up in own pocket?). 
• Hiring a secretary under company payroll who is not even doing company work.
• and the list goes on and on.........

All these done while the company is undergoing paycut.

How's this for coincidence?

As part of my food "experiment" back in Dec 09, I decided to stop eating garlic and onion for a while.   My sinus has conveniently chosen that time to return...the constant sneezings especially in the mornings (hate this!), the pressure pain in the nose (hate this too!), sleepless nites due to the pressure pain (hate this even more!), etc etc. I was very baffled why I was suddenly having these attacks as I haven't been experiencing it for the past few years, with the exception of occasionally getting one teary eyed from spicy or hot food (and this is I cannot prevent due to my blocked right sinus duct). 

Last nite as I was reading Food Harm Food Heals (by Reader's Digest, given courtesy of my dear bro and mom), I came across the section on "Sinusitis" and it mentioned that garlic and onion can help to alleviate sinus.  I probably should know this, considering the fact that I suffered from sinus, but I never really pay attention to all these stuff.  All I know is, I have my nasal corticosteroid spray ready in hand and recently I discovered that menthol crystals help to reduce the congestant, though it does not make the pain go away. 

Needless to say, I am now back to eating garlic and onions again.

I have to get this off my chest.

Since when is it alright to let others carry your burden for you?
Since when is it alright to let go of your responsibility and assume others will shoulder that responsibility for you?
Since when is it alright to get somebody to do the work for you while you sit back and wait for the result?
Since when is it alright to assume somebody is always on standby and free to do what you want them to do?
Since when is it alright to assume that somebody will bail you out when you yourself are not even trying hard to help yourself?
Since when is it alright to keep silence while others have to pick up the slack for you?
Since when is it alright to let others be punished because they have put their trusts on your words?
Since when is it alright to pretend everything is ok while the other person is silently suffering because of your action?
Since when is it alright to conveniently forget about your responsibility?

We all have our own responsibilities, we all have financial difficulties to a certain degree, we all have our own commitments regardless whether single or married, we all have our own sets of problems, we have our own stress, etc etc. Just because we don't talk about that openly does not mean that our lives are smooth sailing.  That does not give you the right to shove aside your responsibility and expect someone else to pick it up for you.  We all have enough stress of our own in our lives everyday....we don't need to be burdened by your stress too.  You need to understand that person's predicament before you dish out any selfish remarks or actions.

It is especially difficult when a family member, a spouse or a close friend is being put into such predicament by your irresponsible attitude. When is it enough?  Does somebody need to cut off relationship or distanced themselves away from you in order for you to realise that your actions are not desirable?

It is one thing to have people trust you enough to want to help you but when you FAIL to return that trust or when you abuse that trust, it is only a matter of time when that trust will forever be lost. Once you lost that trust, people will never look at you the same way, even if they can forgive you at some point in their lives. 

When things don't turn up the way I wanted

Was feeling so gung ho days earlier, looking forward to a good hard ass back to back  workout classes on a Wedneday at the gym.  Then I got hit by sinus attack yesterday morning.  The freaking sneezing at every few minutes was annoying.  I was tired, I was sluggish, I was cold.  The traffic was slow on the way to the gym and I got in barely 10 mins before Body Pump class started.  Didn't have time for cardio warm up and I knew right there and then that I wasn't gonna have good workouts.  I was right, even though I tried as hard I possibly could to at least look alive.  I missed so many cues on the Back Track's clean & press which pissed me off. It made me look stupid.

Probably should have gone home after the 1hour class but I thought,  well...I can do better in Body Combat that was coming up next. I'm not one to give up. Energy wise, I was feeling alright, surprisingly but focus wise, not so great. I was clumsy, lost, forgetful, slow, un-coordinated. I lost my agility somewhat with BC42. Maybe the 3rd try next week will be much better.

Anyway, what's done is done.  Next time will be better....

Simple review ..

Let's see now...with the exception of Body Balance, I have now tried Body Pump 72, Body Jam 51 and Body Combat 42 at the gym. The rest of LesMills program I couldn't care less. I'm actually very impressed that this time around, I am able to remember the release number of each launch program. Prolly that's because they pasted all those posters in the studio. Reinforcement does help the memory eh...

I have no complains on BC42 although I have yet to fully embrace it. I think it's super cool that they incorporate lunges...lunges has always been my favorite training exercise, believe it or not. BP72, I like simply because of the tough abs conditioning track at the end. Walking hover on stepboard is hardly easy.  I also don't understand the need to have Squats in the Lunges track. This one is a little confusing to me...

I'm a little torn on BJ51 though. I tried it out last nite and ya, I do like the latin block & the 2nd cardio block, but the music doesn't exactly match the dance routines, in my opinion...esp for the latin block. Let's just hope that in the next 3 weeks, my hand and leg coordination will be much better than last nite and therefore, I will pay less attention to the lousy music tracks.

btw, I have expressed my request to da BJ instructor, and as expected, she doesn't have the particular track but she did say she will try to do something...I hope.

Mental block

How issit that I can speak the national language fluently with my co-workers on a daily basis and yet when I was being formally interviewed, I fumbled! I am a little upset but I am not going to beat myself over it. I just hope that my experience on paper pays off and I hope the universe responds to me.

Where do I start?

I have so much stuff to write and I don't know where to begin. I'm also a procrastinator, so that's another reason why the lack of updates. I'm hoping this change of layout will give me more motivation to write. Stay tuned...